Do you ever catch yourself wondering how did I get here?
Do you generally feel good and seem to “have it all” or you’re on your way to “having it all” soon? You might have a job you love, or a solid marriage with kids, or great friendships and family. But then sometimes things don’t go your way or feel right? Maybe your hear that voice inside you asking why others seem to have a better life, or wishing your circumstances were different (i.e., you had a job you like without having to work weekends)?
What if that questioning and wondering is a good thing?
Listen to that voice inside and use it as guidance for how to regain that good feeling or get closer to happiness. Below are three steps to reconnect with your truth and possibilities in life that will leave you feeling happier as well as, inspired, convicted, and confident.
1. Acknowledge the Contrast of Experiences
When something occurs in your life that isn’t ideal, evaluate that situation (including what feelings are coming up for you). Then imagine a more ideal scenario and notice how your feelings would probably be different.
The contrast of experiences – and associated feelings – can provide clues to what you desire on a deeper level. For example, if you like your job but it doesn’t allow you to go away for the weekend with your family (at times), think about what is really missing in your life while you’re working on that weekend. Obviously, being with your family would be the ideal scenario. But, ask yourself the following questions:
- What is it that you want to feel in that moment (when you’re family is away)? Is it an intimate connection, fun, or peace?
- How else could you experience that feeling? Could you set up a phone date with your sister or a friend? Could you plan a night out with friends? Or, could you make yourself a healthy meal to enjoy?
The approach of determining what you want to feel in that moment (versus focusing on how you want something to be or look like) broadens the range of possibilities for how you can feel a certain emotion (e.g., connection, fun, or peace) without limiting the ways you can experience it.
2. Connect with the Deeper Reason Why
We all have things we “have” to do in our lives. Sometimes knowing that you have a role in the life you’re living and you’re not a victim to circumstances isn’t enough to get past the dread you feel about doing certain tasks. So, remember the deeper reason why you’re doing an activity. Let’s go back to the example of working on the occasional weekend (and possibly comparing your life to another person who chooses not to work or have to work weekends).
- Think about how the activity you’re doing could benefit your life or another person’s life. Working the weekend might mean making a stronger connection to a client that will benefit your career and overall life in the long-run.
- Consider the alternative options which might mean not working or having a job that is not as fulfilling.
When you remain connected to the deeper reason why you’re doing something, you’ll feel more motivated to move forward with the task as you’re more likely to take action when you’re living your life in alignment with your deepest values.
3. Ask What’s True in this Moment
When things don’t seem to go our way, we might ruminate about the past times things haven’t worked out or worry about the future. Just focus on what is true in this moment. If you have to work and are alone on a Saturday night, that just means you’re alone this particular Saturday night.
- Ask yourself what else is true or good about this situation? Maybe you’ve wanted to catch up on reading or eat a healthy meal and make yourself a priority? This could be the time to do it. It does NOT mean you’ll be alone every Saturday night.
When you focus on the present moment, you are focused on the truth. The past isn’t as relevant and we don’t know what the future will bring.
So, I hope you can use these simple steps to get past obstacles, remain connected with the truth, feel happier, and continue to feel like you “have it all!”
For a shortcut to feeling happier immediately, hang giant “HAPPY” lights some place visible to you as my friend did in her home. They’ll instantly signal positive feelings to your brain.
A version of this post ran originally on InnerBrillianceCoaching.com.
Rosie Guagliardo is a certified coach and founder of InnerBrilliance Coaching. Rosie offers Maybrooks members a 15% discount. Learn more about Rosie and her practice here.